Firstly let me apologise for the lack of blog for the last couple of weeks but life kind of got in the way, well you’ll be happy (or indifferent) to know that normal service can now resume. So…..on with the smutfest!
Angry Dresser
With the other stories I have told so far I have been able to blame youthful exuberance for at least part of the reason for my failings, today I will need a new excuse because this happened when I had started thinking more about fixed rate mortgages and less about transformers. I was touching 30.
I was having the traditional Damo Saturday, out early evening to watch the football, drink far too much, find a likely target and ultimately go home and fall asleep with my face in a kebab (the lamb kind, rarely the lady kind). Well this particular night I was on my a-game, I was chatting away to one particular young lady who seemed interested, or at least drunk enough to accept that I was the only one talking to her. By this time of night she had started getting more attractive and, like the Fender in Wayne’s World….She would be mine. I took the leap and asked her to accompany me home. She took one final look around for a better offer and accepted that other than the bloke with the tattooed face in the corner I would be the best offer she was going to get. We got up to leave and that was when I realised we had nowhere to go, I was staying at my parents as I was between homes, again. I asked a mate if I could have his keys which surprisingly he agreed to and off we went.
I am nothing if not a gentleman and when the love of my life (well for the night) said she was cold I gallantly offered my coat. She took the coat and she gave Pedro a little stroke in way of reward but she was still cold. The only other thing I could offer were my jeans, off they came and to stop myself freezing to death I popped on her skirt and we carried on down the road. We got to my friends house we settled down on the sofa and I opened a bottle of wine (why would he leave it on display if he didn’t want guests to help themselves?) and started making my move. We had a kiss and my hand moved down and cupped her left boob, almost as though it was by accident. What came next was the strange sensation of unbuttoning my partners fly while her hand slid up my skirt. I almost instinctively slapped her hand away in protest that I was not that kind of girl but I let her carry on. After the usual fumbling around Pedro had popped his head up to see what was going on and must have been shocked when he saw an open mouth coming at him, all teeth and saliva like the pit in Return of the Jedi. He was up for if, she was up for it and I was up for it so…..we went for it. I popped on a condom (be safe folks!) and now that Pedro looked like a mini bank robber we were ready to go! In my eagerness I decided there was no need to undress, and just slipped her/my jeans off and off we went.
I the heat of the moment I didn’t hear the door open and my friends come into the house, I did hear something and when I looked over my shoulder I saw the faces of three of my friends staring open mouthed through the opening of the sliding living room door, they looked like the three monkeys but not one of them was covering their eyes. They were greeted with the sight of my big white arse bobbing up and down, in a rather fetching brown gypsy skirt draped over my arse like an elephant’s ear. They stifled their laughter and disappeared, and just as I reached my great finale, I heard the door open again, this time it was my best mate…….with his future wife. I’d met his new girlfriend once before and I thought she was nice, she even set me up with one of her friends, who I was meant to be seeing and who’s calls I’d been ignoring all night.
When they came into the room I sat up and covered my modesty with my new apparel and my new flame grabbed a cushion to hide hers. The girls started to chat and me and my friend fidgeted uncomfortably, he because he was trying to impress this girl while his best friend, the barometer by all his social company would be judged, was sat in his living room in ladies clothing. I was getting uncomfortable for two reasons, firstly because his new lady worked with my ‘girlfriend for one evening’ and the second reason was more physical discomfort as I felt Pedro ridding himself of his rubber overcoat and it slid off him like a slug migrating south, leaving a trail right up to his head and then over the end settling like a deflated paddling pool filled with semolina around my nuts. They left to go upstairs and I let my ‘date’ out before crashing out on the settee after a quick wash down in the kitchen.
So there you go, just remember if you fancy doing a bit of cross dressing at least do it at home! And if you have really good friends they will forgive you for anything!
Angry Dresser
With the other stories I have told so far I have been able to blame youthful exuberance for at least part of the reason for my failings, today I will need a new excuse because this happened when I had started thinking more about fixed rate mortgages and less about transformers. I was touching 30.
I was having the traditional Damo Saturday, out early evening to watch the football, drink far too much, find a likely target and ultimately go home and fall asleep with my face in a kebab (the lamb kind, rarely the lady kind). Well this particular night I was on my a-game, I was chatting away to one particular young lady who seemed interested, or at least drunk enough to accept that I was the only one talking to her. By this time of night she had started getting more attractive and, like the Fender in Wayne’s World….She would be mine. I took the leap and asked her to accompany me home. She took one final look around for a better offer and accepted that other than the bloke with the tattooed face in the corner I would be the best offer she was going to get. We got up to leave and that was when I realised we had nowhere to go, I was staying at my parents as I was between homes, again. I asked a mate if I could have his keys which surprisingly he agreed to and off we went.
I am nothing if not a gentleman and when the love of my life (well for the night) said she was cold I gallantly offered my coat. She took the coat and she gave Pedro a little stroke in way of reward but she was still cold. The only other thing I could offer were my jeans, off they came and to stop myself freezing to death I popped on her skirt and we carried on down the road. We got to my friends house we settled down on the sofa and I opened a bottle of wine (why would he leave it on display if he didn’t want guests to help themselves?) and started making my move. We had a kiss and my hand moved down and cupped her left boob, almost as though it was by accident. What came next was the strange sensation of unbuttoning my partners fly while her hand slid up my skirt. I almost instinctively slapped her hand away in protest that I was not that kind of girl but I let her carry on. After the usual fumbling around Pedro had popped his head up to see what was going on and must have been shocked when he saw an open mouth coming at him, all teeth and saliva like the pit in Return of the Jedi. He was up for if, she was up for it and I was up for it so…..we went for it. I popped on a condom (be safe folks!) and now that Pedro looked like a mini bank robber we were ready to go! In my eagerness I decided there was no need to undress, and just slipped her/my jeans off and off we went.
I the heat of the moment I didn’t hear the door open and my friends come into the house, I did hear something and when I looked over my shoulder I saw the faces of three of my friends staring open mouthed through the opening of the sliding living room door, they looked like the three monkeys but not one of them was covering their eyes. They were greeted with the sight of my big white arse bobbing up and down, in a rather fetching brown gypsy skirt draped over my arse like an elephant’s ear. They stifled their laughter and disappeared, and just as I reached my great finale, I heard the door open again, this time it was my best mate…….with his future wife. I’d met his new girlfriend once before and I thought she was nice, she even set me up with one of her friends, who I was meant to be seeing and who’s calls I’d been ignoring all night.
When they came into the room I sat up and covered my modesty with my new apparel and my new flame grabbed a cushion to hide hers. The girls started to chat and me and my friend fidgeted uncomfortably, he because he was trying to impress this girl while his best friend, the barometer by all his social company would be judged, was sat in his living room in ladies clothing. I was getting uncomfortable for two reasons, firstly because his new lady worked with my ‘girlfriend for one evening’ and the second reason was more physical discomfort as I felt Pedro ridding himself of his rubber overcoat and it slid off him like a slug migrating south, leaving a trail right up to his head and then over the end settling like a deflated paddling pool filled with semolina around my nuts. They left to go upstairs and I let my ‘date’ out before crashing out on the settee after a quick wash down in the kitchen.
So there you go, just remember if you fancy doing a bit of cross dressing at least do it at home! And if you have really good friends they will forgive you for anything!
